The Aftermath

Ugh.  I hate writing about this topic.  Almost as much as I just hate living though it.  But, it’s so so worth talking about.

He broke your heart.  Now what?

You feel down in the dumps and just keep reliving how it happened.  What did you do? (nothing).  What could you have done differently? (nothing).  You’re just at the stage where you don’t see a way out.  If you actually do fall asleep, you dream about him.  If you’re awake, you can’t help but stare at the empty pillow next to you.  It’s heart-wrenching.  But.. things will get better.  It’s so hard to believe.  But they will.  How do you take that first step though?

First, you have to dispel the notion that he made a mistake, that he will realize it.. and that he will come crawling back.  Because even if he does, it is going to take a lot of time to sort through what went wrong the first time.  How will you prevent yourself from falling into that same trap?  After he said what he said, can you really be emotionally available to him again?  It’s more than just an apology.  If he came back, it would take much more work on both your parts.  You’d have great sex.. great conversations..but that re-honeymoon period would be brief and the routine would restart.  Trust me.  Life is cyclical.

Maybe he does call though..  to say hello or to wish you a happy birthday.  Our hearts skip that beat.  We become optimistic.  Why is he reaching out to me?  This could only mean that he wants me back.  But does it always mean just that?  Maybe he’s lonely.. or feeling guilty.. or who knows, maybe he is regretting his decision.  But be careful.  We want to believe our prayers have been answered, we want to think the best, but maybe the best is just letting go.  Look out for you and that fragile heart of yours.

And that’s if.  Like I said, you have to tell yourself that he’s not going to.  And ask yourself if you even want him to, after what was said and what was done.  I know you want to know that he misses you.  Guess what.. he does.  I know you want to hear it from him.. but it will just bring you back.  Set you back.

To start fresh you have to free yourself.  Go through the old emails, photos, etc. if you have to.  Feel the emotion and the saddness….then release.  Delete him as your friend on facebook.   I know you want to email him, call him, run into him.. but do yourself a favor: just don’t.  It’s just a viscious cycle.  Surround yourself by positive people and tell yourself that you are now free.  Free to start fresh and free to open yourself up to someone new who will complete you in a way he never could.  Let yourself grieve then let go.